i've had this nightmare over and over ...

as long as i'm spleen venting, i'll share this little tidbit with you.

since i was at least five years old i've had a recurring theme appear in my dreams. and when i say recurring, i mean i've had dreams of this type at least three times a week, every week, for decades.

in my dream something fantastic will happen. i dream like salvador dali paints, so just as an example let's say that there's a spindle legged elephant walking down the street on fire. i'll be amazed by it. entranced. "whoa! there's a spindle legged elephant walking down the street on fire!"

and everyone else involved will either ignore it or ridicule me for acting like it's a big deal.

i've had decades of dreams of this type, and i'm a pretty creative guy, so every single damn wrinkle you can put in that general category i've done. i can lucid dream, so i can change it around (or i can just wake up then go back to sleep), but i'm to the point now that i don't even bother.

and now there's this damn art thing.

i tell person-after-person that i couldn't draw then i show them my pre-instruction self-portrait and to a person they say something along the lines of "of course, everyone can draw." I'M LIVING MY NIGHTMARES WHEN I SHOW THAT DRAWING. i'm the only one amazed by it (only because, oh let's see, I COULDN'T DRAW LAST TIME I TRIED) and everyone else thinks it's normal.

i don't talk about the situation or show the drawing to anyone anymore. i haven't dreamt of it yet.

but i will.